The more I go out into the world, I realize things about myself. I haven’t liked much of what I have discovered, I’ll be honest. For one I have a tough time articulating responses or feelings. I stick my foot in my mouth or get overwhelmed by a thought and promptly say it without thinking. I’ll find out later that was a dumb thing to say and I should have stuck with the thoughts I had planned to speak out, rather than get carried away. People are funny that way. We are quite unscripted. No matter how many times you think something through a different scenario presents itself and all your planning is a total wash. I am stuck feeling embarrassed and silly and wanting to hide forever and never have a feeling again. Thankfully, I know better and I get right back into being a doofus. I am hoping someone can relate to this. I can’t be alone I know.
Having confessed all that I will now tell you a little part of my solution and how I choose to fight back. I bet you can guess, go ahead. If you guessed books you’re right! I’ll tell you why and what they do for me in this particular area.
First, when you read about a hero or heroine you probably want to emulate them. How can I emulate any one if I am feeling apathetic? I can’t! See? It’s already breaking down my guard, keeping me from building up my walls and being harsh and miserable.
Second, reading another words and responses helps me to articulate for myself. Certain emotions or quotes resonate. Having a broad concept of others being different from myself, slows me down and makes me think of the other person first. Ideally at least. Books take me out of my own head. They give me a new view point and help me understand better a new feeling or concept. When I am faced with the same I have a better vocabulary and empathy so as to deal with life.
You see? You see how valuable and amazing words are? Twenty-six simple letters, arranged in new way can completely change a person. I can go back and look and double check the first impression I got. Words spoken, once they leave your mouth that’s it. You may not be able to remember the whole of the conversation. Worse yet a word misspoken in the wrong tone can change everything.
I am hoping since you’re reading this you can relate and are encouraged. If you are unsure that I am sane I would encourage you to pick up a book. Give it a try. Expand your mind and thoughts. The great thing about them is it’s low on embarrassment. It’s all personal and no one watches. So enjoy! Immerse yourself in the company of another world. Come back and tell me you understand and you’ll never be the same again.
I would encourage you whether you read or not, to just keep growing and fighting and learning. It’s a tough battle and it’s scary and you won’t often get it right, but don’t surrender to apathy, or bitterness or sadness. Whatever you battle keep battling, reaching out and growing. Even when you hurt.